i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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