grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
