oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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