I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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