Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
