my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
