Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
