Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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