He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just cropdusted the office
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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