so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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