its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
