hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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