I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
