You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
