I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want a musical about memes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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