awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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