BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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