did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
