if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
