I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
