Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
