At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
