why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
