i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
