when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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