Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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