i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
