I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
