I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize