How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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