Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
