my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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