there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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