made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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