Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
