Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
