I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
