I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
