Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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