just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
