I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
