...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
