Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
