does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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