My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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