Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
