But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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