The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
