Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
