Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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