I just pynch a tree in the face
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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