Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
