We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
