32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
