when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
