I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
