i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
