I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
