you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
