Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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