There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
