is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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