I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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