if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want a musical about memes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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