Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
