I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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