whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize