So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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