I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
