Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
