I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
