Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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