He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
