help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
how does that bad decision feel?
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